


there is worship on my tongue

by lambient



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gymnastics, Hockey, IDK BRO, Ice Skating, Sports, because i think I’m hilarious, but it’ll get funny, dance, idk sports, its an au because I don’t know how to write about ODM gear., maybe soccer, this is angst as crap, welcome to my dumpster fire fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:00:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28504869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lambient/pseuds/lambient
Summary: When Erwin Smith, reigning Olympic champ shatters his arm in an attempt to ratify a quad axel, his career is pretty much over. Which is fine, really. He knew risky jumps were a gamble, and quite honestly, he’s glad to see Eren and Mikasa take over. Their team needed some new blood, and he’d never seen a pair skating duo quite as promising.When Charlotte - call me Charlie - Fritz, probably the worst figure skater he’s ever met comes to him in search of a coach, well, he can’t exactly say no, can he? Not when the gamble is so deliciously risky.Enter, a very short and angry hockey player, a paralyzed gymnast with the spirit of a nation dancing in her eyes, and a therapy group for ruined athletes. Yeah, everything is going to be fine.The sports au no one asked for, and I am certainly not qualified to write.
Relationships: Erwin Smith & Original Female Character(s), Erwin Smith/Original Female Character(s), Erwin Smith/Reader, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s), Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer
Kudos: 6





	there is worship on my tongue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I’m not qualified to right a sports au I don’t know anything about sports. There’s going to be probably a lot of inaccuracies. I’ll do my best lol. Also can I just say what a fever dream this story is like. Jeez.

Falling isn’t so different from spinning or spiraling. It’s kind of the same thing. You make the jump, either you’re ready or you’re not, but, you make it anyways. These are the risks you take when you skate - no, these are the risks you take when you want to be the best. And Erwin Smith was undoubtedly the best. But even the best fall -

Even the best make mistakes, stupid, career-threatening mistakes. No, not mistakes, gambles. Ask anyone, Erwin would tell you he wasn’t a betting man, not on or off the ice. But the way he strolled into the arena, the way he laced his skates, it was like he was going to war. And in war Erwin was prepared to sacrifice anything. 

And so you fall. 

When you open your arms wide and let destruction sleep in your collarbone, there is only one way to go and it certainly isn’t up. It’s down, you fall, you spiral, you spin. Whatever you have to do but you go down all the same. And it’s not brave, it’s not new. 

It’s senseless, the way you spend your whole life training, doing everything exactly right just to fall when you need to stand. When you need to be the best. When it really fucking matters. Land the jump all you want in practice, but competition is where it matters. Competition is where you make history.

And Erwin Smith made history that’s for sure. 

**_The Canadian’s suffer a huge blow, as two time Olympic gold medalist, Erwin Smith takes a career ending tumble._ **

**_Will Erwin Smith be the first man to land a quad axel in competition? No, and here’s why._ **

**_A devastating fall leaves Erwin Smith hospitalized and Canada without their golden boy so close to the 2020 Olympics._ **

And maybe Erwin could have suffered this loss more gracefully if it hadn’t been so fucking public, if the world hadn’t been there to watch his career die. But bones only mend so much, and sometimes the feeling never comes back. Not to your fingers, anyways. Sometimes they stay blue, they stay useless, and you stay so god-damn angry. 

To make matters worse he was easily replaceable, twenty years he’d spent training, and for what? How many parties had he missed? How many friends could he have made? How many nights had he stayed up studying because daylight was spent at the rink. And if you failed your classes you can’t skate, and if you can’t skate you might as well not even be alive. God, how much had he bled and for what? 

How many experiences were lost to him forever?

—

“You’ve done well Erwin, do not be disappointed in your shortcomings.” Pyxis is not a comforting man, but Erwin’s never needed comfort. Not really. Just praise. “If anyone could have done it, it would have been you.”

“No,” Erwin shakes his head solemnly, “it  _ should  _ have been me. I did it in practice twice.” 

“You can not change what has already happened. There is no use dwelling Erwin,” Pyxis is calm. Calm in the face of triumph, in the face of adversity, and even now. In the face of defeat. But Erwin doesn’t want calm. He wants outrage and he wants validation and he wants to be the best. At any rate, he wasn’t dwelling. He was festering. A bone-chilling sort of anger. One so deep it resided in the marrow.

“Somebody is going to complete that jump in competition but it sure as hell won’t be me. In fact I don’t think I’ll ever be able to skate again. Where is the justice in that?” It’s only what he’s been wondering since he’d got to this stupid hospital. 

“You’ll be able to skate again, Erwin.” Pyxis shook his head dismissively. As if he had any fucking idea. 

“But I won’t be able to compete.”

“No, you,won’t.” Pyxis agreed. 

“Shit.” Erwin grumbled. He ran a hand through his mop of hair, it had been years since he’d worn it like this. Gone where the days of Canada’s golden boy, and his perfectly styled hair.

“There is no justice in it Erwin, but there is a lesson. Try to learn something won’t you?”

It dawned on Erwin just then, no it crashed into him violently and deceptively quiet. Pyxis was saying goodbye. His coach of twelve years. Was leaving just like that, he had no use for a broken heap of a man. He needed an athlete, not whatever weird sort of gray area Erwin was residing in.

“Oh, fuck off. Go end your whole god damn career in five seconds and come back to me when you’ve learned something.” Erwin’s anger has always been quiet, even now when he’s got so many creative ways he wants to curse out Pyxis. But he’s never been the loud kind of outraged. His fury is pocket sized and versatile. 

“I admit I am disappointed,” Pyxis lowers his head, and the unspoken truth of his words warbles out. It’s grainy and devastating -  _ I’m disappointed in you.  _

_ I’m disappointed too, Pyxis.  _ Erwin wants to say,  _ because I thought I was going to get better and I thought I was going to win another medal at the Olympics and I thought I was actually going to land the quad axel but here we are. And I’m fucking devastated.  _

“You’re not alone Erwin, plenty of others have lost a lot more for a lot less.” Erwin doesn’t dignify Pyxis’s comment with a response and it’s a lot like being on the ice again. The backhanded compliments and the not being good enough. “There’s a place I want you to check out when you’re ready. It’s for injured athletes. Might do you some good.” 

Erwin has half a mind to tell him to fuck off again, but he’s the sentimental sort and if this is goodbye, well, he wants to make it count. No matter how you look at it, twelve years is twelve years. 

“Thank you,” Erwin forces the words out, not because he doesn’t mean them but because it’s hard. Because his throat constricts dangerously and he knows what comes after. And even now, he doesn’t want to cry in front of Pyxis. 

“It’s not much, it’s just a card with a number on it,” he shrugs his shoulders and sets the object in question down on the nightstand next to Erwins expensive vitamin water. He pretends he doesn’t realize what Erwin is saying but that’s fine by him, it sure as hell makes this easier.

“But still,” is all Erwin can say in response. 

_ But still indeed. _


End file.
